The mighty hunter, a classic updated for today's audiences

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A conservative decides to go out hunting for bear one day. He goes all through the woods searching for his idea of the perfect bear.. after searching for hours he finally comes upon one. He takes aim, shoots, and misses. The bear turns around and proceeds to chase him down.

The bear gets him down and is about to swat his head off when the bear says, "Why, I oughtta...but I won't: If you blow me." Well, the conservative isn't interested in dying today so he blows the bear and the bear lets the conservative go home.

The conservative gets home and is appalled that he actually did this. "I'm gonna kill that sonuvabitch!" He goes back to the woods.

He goes all through the woods again and finally finds the bear. This time, he's very careful. He gets the bear in his sights...very careful..fires..and just nicks the bear in his ear. The bear turns around and chases him down again.

The bear gets him down and is about to swat his head off when the bear says, "Why I oughtta...but I won't, if you blow me." The conservative says to himself: "Death, blow a bear, death..." So he blows the bear and goes home.

Now the conservative is VERY upset. Now he's blown a bear TWICE! "No one's gonna find out about this. I'm gonna kill that sunuvabitch!!" He goes back into the woods.

After searching for hours again, he finds the bear. Takes aim, fires, and he hits the bear in the chest--but the bear didn't die. It turns around and chases him down.

The bear gets him down and is about to swat his head off when the bear says, "Why I oughtta...hey, you don't come out here for the hunting, do ya?"