A blog dedicated to the researchers who dyed a captured chimp's fur pink, then released it. The other chimps promptly tore it to pieces.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Littlest Neo-Con - a parable for our times

Once upon a time, there was a little neo-con. She was afraid no one loved her, and to be honest, she had good reason to fear.

You see, the little neo-con had never found anything she could do particularly well. It seemed all her neo-con friends had special talents of one kind or another. Some of them could make up funny stories about liberals. Some of them could make funny pictures of liberals. Some of them could even write funny songs about liberals.

But the little neo-con couldn't do anything! There was nothing special about her, no job for which she was obviously suited in the Great Conservative Crusade. Whenever her friends talked about how loser liberals lived off welfare, the little neo-con would get a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew that without a job, she wasn't much different from the loser liberals. If she could only find her calling!

Then one day, the little neo-con was listening to the great and wise Sean Hannity on his radio program. She always enjoyed hearing Sean give the liberals hell. As long as he wasn't giving them hell about welfare, anyway.

On this day, Sean said something that changed her life. He was talking about how important it was to support the President, and while the little neo-con remembered a time when Sean hadn't seemed to think it was at all important to support the President, that was a different time and a different president, and besides, 9-11 changed everything.

Suddenly it struck her: THAT was her calling! She might not be able to make anything or produce anything, but she could LOVE AMERICA!

And she was right - anyone can love America! No matter how stupid or worthless or untalented you are, you can still wave a flag. If you've got $1.99 for one of those stupid magnetic flag ribbons down at the Quick-E-Mart, you can join the club. You don't have to do anything, think anything, give anything, or care about anything - all you have to do is run your mouth once in a while. Where are you gonna get a better deal than that?


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