The Pink Chimpanzee

Miss me?

2010-09-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

I'm posting more at the new Mark of the Beast than anywhere else lately. Feel free to drop by - be sure to sign up for an account if you want to be able to post comments.

Probably NSFW unless you work for Greenpeace or ELF

2010-06-11T18:15:00.000-07:00

Mirrored by request.

Windows 7 = Vista Redux

2009-10-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

"It's like deja vu all over again!"

---Yogi Berra

As you might have noticed, Microsoft released their new Windows 7 OS last week. The computer industry has been in an uproar, with paid Microsoft flunkies, fanboys, and other sycophants gushing over the joys of the latest version. "It's SOOOOO much better than Vista!" they exclaim. "Microsoft got this one right! Businesses will love it - they'll all be moving to Windows 7 now."

Look, I'm a computer professional. I do what's called Desktop Support - we're the people who solve your problem when the regular Helpdesk can't. I have to keep up on the latest and greatest technology so I can help you when you can't print, connect your VPN client, or save a file to a network drive. Solving computer problems is my job, and I'm pretty damn good at it if I do say so myself.

So I figure I'll install Windows 7 on my laptop - that way I'll be ready for the inevitable questions as people buy new computers with it pre-installed. We're not talking some antique here - I bought it new in August of '08. It has a dual-core CPU, 3 gigs of RAM, and came with Vista, so I figured it shouldn't be a problem getting it to run Windows 7. Wrong.

The first clue that this project might turn into a clusterfuck came right at the start. The Windows 7 installer did a "compatibility check" and gave me a couple of warnings, advising me to cancel the upgrade and remove some "HP QuickLaunch Keys" device and driver. "Probably not a bad idea," I think, and look down at the bottom of the window for a Cancel button. There's no Cancel, just Next, so I click Next figuring I'll have an option to cancel on the next screen. Wrong. The installer launches and starts merrily copying files. Thanks, Microsoft - tell me to cancel and don't give me a fucking Cancel button - that's real cute.

Anyway, it takes just short of two hours for the upgrade to complete. I check Device Manager for the problem device and sure enough - there's an "Unknown Device" showing up. No problem - I'll just remove it. Wrong. I can remove it as many times as I like, but it comes back after every reboot. I've seen this before - the only way to fix for it is to either find a driver or disable the device so Windows will stop re-detecting it.

Trouble is, I look on HP's website for a driver and discover there are only a couple dozen laptop models they're supporting for upgrading to Windows 7 - everybody else is out of luck. (or stuck with XP or Vista) Mine isn't on the list, and the site says HP will not be releasing any Windows 7 drivers for models that aren't on the list. Great. By this time I've discovered my wireless network adapter doesn't work quite right with the Windows 7 drivers either, so I can't connect to my wireless router from the laptop anymore. I hunt up an Ethernet cable and plug into a spare port.

I make one last ditch attempt to get it to work by doing a clean install of Windows 7, thinking maybe if I blow away all the HP crap on the drive, it will properly detect whatever it's complaining about and be able to find a driver. At least the fresh install is a lot faster, completing in less than a half-hour. Still no go, though - once again I have the same "unknown device" showing up in Device Manager. There's nothing in the BIOS I can disable to get rid of it - it's find and install a Windows 7 driver for whatever the hell it is, or live with it not working.

At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm fucked. Without that driver, I'll never be able to get the machine to work properly under Windows 7. I finally give up and reinstall Vista.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong here, but doesn't this seem an awful lot like the same sort of thing people bitched about when Vista first came out? Unless you bought a new computer than came with Vista, you couldn't count on it to work right. And we won't even go into all the peripherals (software, printers, scanners, etc.) that wouldn't work with Vista and wound up having to be replaced, other than to note that given my experience with my laptop, it wouldn't surprise me in the least to discover that Windows 7 is much the same story.

Microsoft can kiss my fucking ass and HP right along with them if they think I'm going to buy ANOTHER goddamn computer (I already have eight) just so I can run their new OS. Windows XP will run on almost anything I care to install it on, so what's the problem with Windows 7? It won't even run on a laptop made a year and a half ago? What the fuck is up with that???

Microsoft is smoking crack if they think they're going to con businesses into a repeat of the Vista fiasco. Bullshit like this is a large part of the reason the place I'm currently working still uses Windows XP, and has no plans to upgrade to either Vista or Windows 7. Can't say I blame them after what I've gone through so far.

If anyone's interested, my laptop is a Compaq Presario A945US.

Halle-fucking-lujah!

2009-10-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

It's about goddamn time!

Pay Czar Slashes Pay; Makes Governance Changes

In a striking display of government authority, pay czar Kenneth Feinberg is taking a knife to the pay packages of companies receiving U.S. funds. According to media reports, the government will slash the compensation of the 25 highest-paid employees at the seven firms receiving the most aid. The biggest drop will be to salaries, which will plummet 90% on average, while total compensation will fall by about 50%. The reports also state that no top executive at AIG’s financial products unit, which bore the blame of the insurer’s near-collapse last year, will make more than $200,000. And any perks packages that total more than $25,000 at these firms will have to be approved by Feinberg.

Now that's a step in the right direction. What the hell took so long?

If you've yet to encounter the lovely Jocelyn Testes-Harder

2009-08-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

You have a real treat coming.

I'm still not sure which is funnier - Jocelyn or the outraged commenters who take her seriously rather than appreciating her world-class trollage. Perhaps the best put-on since Jon Swift, Jocelyn never misses a beat and never gives an inch. A worthy addition to anyone's bookmarks.

Scary shit

2009-08-02T07:23:00.001-07:00

Atrios has been tracking the FDIC's list of failed banks for while now, and regularly posts when banks get "EATED" and go under. Subjecting the latest list to a bit of statistical analysis is quite interesting:

From October 2000 through the end of 2007, a total of 27 banks failed. In 2008, a total of 26 banks failed. In the first four months of 2009, a total of 29 banks failed.

In July, 2009, a total of 24 banks failed.

Does anyone else find this trend just a tad disturbing?

Ever wonder why cops don't seem to "get" the whole racial profiling argument?

2009-07-23T17:08:00.000-07:00

Maybe this sort of thing has something to do with it.

New Blog

2009-07-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

Kansas City readers (and anyone else who's interested) are welcome to join me on my new blog, KC Cheap Eats. The new blog is focused on how to eat like a gourmet without breaking the bank, a subject of interest to many folks these days. I'll probably do the bulk of my posting there, although I'll undoubtedly drop the occasional political comment here from time to time.

I find it most interesting

2009-06-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

that the majority of Americans right now could probably tell you who Neda Agha-Soltani is, but very few could tell you who Allison Krause (most will mis-identify her as musician Alison Krauss) or Sandra Scheuer are.

Somebody's bullshitting somebody here

2009-06-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

.
And I'm pretty sure neither somebody is me.

In case you didn't hear, "gossip blogger" and general waste of skin Perez Hilton was supposedly "assaulted" because someone didn't care for his comments. I won't comment on the merits of Hilton's allegations other than to note that in this image from MTV-UK, his "black eye" is on the left side. In the whiny video Hilton posted to his blog, the "cut" he's crying over is under his right eye.

See for yourself:

MTV pic

Screencap from video

Joke of the Month

2009-06-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

Via a Sadly, No! commenter:

At the end of the year, the IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books, he said to the Rabbi, “I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?”

“Good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We save them and then send them back to the candle maker, and every now and again they send us a box of complete candles.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. On he went in his obnoxious way, “What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with all the crumbs?”

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We collect them and send them back to the bakery, and every now and again they send us a box of complete matzo.”

“I see,” replied the frustrated auditor, now thinking harder about how he can fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. “Well Rabbi, what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions that you perform?”

“Here too we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “We save up all the foreskins and send them to the Internal Revenue Service, and every now and again they send us a back a complete dick.”

Best Blog comment EVAR on Iran

2009-06-20T08:50:00.000-07:00

"Pull the triggers, sand n*ggers, we're with you all the way/Just across the bay"

One of Roy's commenters

If you didn't get it, scroll to about 2:50 in this video:

And yes, that is a very young John Belusi channelling Wavy Gravy in the first part of the clip.

Letterman is a pussy

2009-06-19T07:55:00.000-07:00

First for apologizing, and second for telling such a lame joke in the first place.

Here's a REAL offensive Sarah Palin joke:

Q: What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?

A: Only one retarded thing has come out of her vagina.

David Carridine 1936-2009 RIP

2009-06-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

The Rosy Palm Five Daughters Constricting Throat Technique claims yet another victim.

Oh please, oh please, oh please

2009-06-04T04:16:00.000-07:00

From the Department of "Have You No Sense Of Decency, Sir?" comes the news that there may be "pro-life" protests at George Tiller's funeral.

Personally, I think this is a wonderful idea. Yeah, you "pro-life" turds - protest at a funeral and remind everybody one more time just how much you have in common with Fred Phelps and his merry band of lunatics.

Common ground? You should live so long, assholes.

2009-06-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

Common Ground on Late-Term Abortion: Anguish

In a faceless building by the freeway, George Tiller performed thousands of abortions a year. Some of his patients were well advanced in pregnancy -- seven, eight, even nine months along. And so his clinic became a battleground.

. . .

Medical records subpoenaed by prosecutors in Kansas indicate Dr. Tiller approved some late-term abortions on the grounds that the women suffered from anxiety or depression. To opponents, those are shockingly flimsy excuses. But several attempts to prosecute Dr. Tiller for violating the law failed.

Among sane people, this phenomenon is known as being "acquitted" and indicates that you did not, in fact, violate the law.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I intend to honor Dr. Tiller's memory by rubbing the "pro-life" movement's nose in this incident at every opportunity for, oh, the rest of my life or until they get a clue, whichever comes first. "Pro-life" my motherfucking ass. Try "pro-sanity" for a change, bitches.

I have an idea

2009-06-03T19:33:00.000-07:00

I'd like to get Scott Roeder a boyfriend. A big, mean boyfriend with large muscles and a bad temper.

Anybody got any friends (or enemies) matching that description doing a stretch at the Wichita jail? I'll bet a whole bunch of people would be willing to kick in for some cartons of smokes to make it worth their while.

At least they're finally admitting it

2009-06-03T03:48:00.000-07:00

Poll: US divided over torture, closing Guantanamo

WASHINGTON – Just over half of Americans say torture is at least sometimes justified to thwart terrorist attacks and are evenly divided over whether to close the Guantanamo Bay prison, according to a poll that underscores the challenges President Barack Obama faces in selling his terror-fighting policies.

Well, it's about time. That's all I really wanted - for you worthless fucks to admit that all this "light unto the world" horseshit was just that - horseshit. America's shit stinks just like everybody else's. Americans are just as cruel and evil and corrupt as everybody else on the planet, and it's about goddamn time they came right out and admitted it.

You know how America "leads the world"? By force. By pointing guns at everybody else's heads and saying "do this or we'll kill you." There's America's so-called "moral superiority" in a nutshell - superior weaponry, and the willingness to kill anybody who doesn't go along with whatever they want.

Fucking Nazi pricks. The destruction of America would be the best thing that could happen for the world and the human race, and I hope I live long enough to see it.

Kansas City reacts to the death of George Tiller

2009-05-31T17:39:00.000-07:00

So-called "pro-life" folks are whooping it up on the KC Star's comment sections about the murder of "abortion doctor" George Tiller as he attended church in Wichita this morning. The moderators are deleting as fast as they can, but they're outnumbered by the loonies and can't keep up. Here's a sampling saved from the bit-bucket by quick cut-and-pasting:

seriousjuju wrote:

Bottom line, you live by the sword, you die by the sword. How this monster made it this long is beyond me. A person who can deliver a baby that is at 36 weeks gestation and stab a knife through the back of it's head gets what's coming to him........PERIOD. I don't necessarily agree with how it was done, but sooner or later, when a person lives his life hiding behind a law murdering children who are completely viable, he's going to get his in the end, and Tiller did. The world will be a better place without him.
Recommend (4)

I think it's the fact that other people actually recommended this that gets me the most. They recommended these, too:

wvsonofliberty wrote:

Quit making this a right and left issue! I didn't vote for either! It's a matter of listening to your conscious and coming to the realization that KILLING IS WRONG! You don't have to be right, left, up, or down to see that. What of all the people that pig killed? How many did he kill? I bet you don't even know. Because you lack a conscious and any sort of common sense of right and wrong has been flushed out of your brain. Pro-Choice? Well today a guy with a gun made a choice. The right choice. What is the difference? This guy killed for a living and you praise him as if he was a hero. But if another man makes a choice and kills the killer, you act like he is a criminal. For doing the exact same thing. Ending a life.
Recommend (2)

wvsonofliberty wrote:

The true idiotic act was letting this guy start this killing spree to begin with. You can try to put off a fetus as nothing more then a brainless blob, but murder is murder. That will be the death of us all.

You can't re-define what life is for the sake of convienience. Next thing they will be tryin to justify abortions if the fetus looks like it may have asthma after it's born.

Can't you see what is happening? Life is defined. You can't change the definition. Murder is defined. You can't change the definition. So for those of you upset of the slaughtering of this pig, you really need to look inside yourselves.
Recommend (7)

wvsonofliberty wrote:

Finally someone had the guts to take this murderer down. Abortionist? Doctor? He was a killer. A cold-blooded killer. It is unfortunate he had to die, but 1 life must sometimes be taken in order to save the lives of many. Especially the inncocent who have lacked the ability to defend themselves against this sicko. Hope hell is nice Tiller. Looks like you'll be there for a while.
Recommend (6)

hoffstyle wrote:

Burn in hell *cough* Doctor *cough* Holocaust. Satan is welcoming you into his arms as we speak. I hope you are put in the deepest pit of fire. LOL@Tiller.
Recommend (2)

cuda wrote:

So someone aborted the abortion doctor?Real late term too.But then we need to cry for this garbage and talk about the good things he did for his patients?lol wtf are people so fuckin stupid they praise the death of a baby by these killers?I for one would like to see more killers punished for their roll in the government sanctioned murder of the most helpless of human beings.The unborn and the newborn.My guess is straight to hell for doctor death.
Recommend (9)

kelvinsampson wrote:

Hey shovel,

He was such a nice guy huh? Just like Charles Manson and Adolph Hitler.

This guy didn't give a damn about his patients. He performed abortions because it made him a lot of money. Apparently, you are too stupid to figure that one out.
Recommend (9)

cutter991 wrote:

Jeebus, you stupid moronic ultra-realist, there is no way to explain faith to someone who see death as the final curtain. So you figure your soul is as worthless and meaningless as that of a cat? Or maybe a cockroach? Wait, I know, you're going to say that they have no souls. How the hell would you know that you faithless moron? If you know that death is the final curtain call then what the hell reason do you have to live right now? Why not just load up a .45 and see how far your brains will blow across the room? Hell you don't have anything to lose right? The worst thing is that it's not just you, there's a load of people participating in this stupidly foolish and totally misdirected blog that have no faith whatsoever. You know what most people with zero faith are? Criminals. Of course there are a few so called Christians that just as bad. But then, they are not really Christians.
Recommend (1)

gypjet wrote:

Until they catch the killer and confirm that he is a pro-lifer, then you liberals ought to shut up and quit slandering good people.
Recommend (9)

milesfromkansas wrote:

The fact that such a vile, barbarous practice as 3rd trimester abortions is legally protected, and evidently supported by the majority of posters on this site, underscores the depths of depravity our society has sunk. Apparently the constraint of allowing abortions only during the first trimester is simply too inconvenient for those with busy schedules. Today right and wrong are alien concepts, and morality is a dirty word.
Recommend (13)

EL_Proudo_Americano wrote:

The definition of Liberalism is Extremism, and yet they are surprised when good, God fearing people fight back.
Recommend (8)

mizZOU816 wrote:

the shooter is a hero, he has saved many babies' lives.
Recommend (3)

eelg wrote:

I guess I'm one of those right wing extremists. I'm anti abortion in any form and cling to my guns and religion. Didn't we all know it was going to end this way? I'm not sorry to see him go. There will be some phony denominations performing the ceremony along with throngs of radical leftists supporters of the "Butcher of Wichita" to bid him farewell. After the flowers and plants have been tossed in the dumpster like so many babies Georgie is through.
Recommend (8)

gypjet wrote:

He died a quick death, unlike the 8 month old babies who he partially pulled out of the womb, punctured their skulls, and then sucked their little brains out with a vacuum, and then tossed them in the garbage. Liberals love killing children, so they will be the sad ones today.
Recommend (2)

gypjet wrote:

Oh goody, another excuse for the flaming libs to paint Christians with a broad brush of hatred. Don't worry libs, you can still strive to teach kindergartners about homosexual sex, and some abortion monster will just take Tiller's place so you people can get abortions as birth control.
Recommend (11)

milesfromkansas wrote:

The only way his death could be more Karmic would be if his brains were extracted with a turkey baster.
Recommend (7)

MyTwistedSister wrote:

To Ekhym: some would say that Tiller was a terrorist (albeit a "legal" one) who has been brought to justice. His death was no more violent than the violent deaths he orchestrated on a daily basis. I do not condone his death but I cannot express regret that he met the same fate as the infants who suffered under his hand.
Recommend (5)

hoffstyle wrote:

Who cares? He's dead and burning as we speak. I don't care about his family, I don't care about the people who "love" him. All I care about is that a murderer has finally received the justice he has eluded for the longest time. He can't hide behind the pig known as Kathleen Sebilius any more. Hahaha.
Recommend (4)

At least these two didn't get any recommendations. The first rage-gasm is a real classic, delivered in response to one commenter questioning the Christianity of the commenter:

cutter991 wrote:

Hey Mary_Lynn you self serving egomaniacal FOOL you wouldn't know a Christian or Christianity if it kicked you in your FAT A_S_S. Stupid phucking W h O-R-e. Who in h,ell do you think you are telling me I'm not a Christian? Stupid, ignorant dumb bastich. This may not sound Christian to any of you fools with you self important issues sitting in your comfortable little houses and your monstrous bills but no one tells me I'm not a Christian. You want violence? I'm sure it would gratify you all to see it. Mary-Lynn if I ever find out who you are that insult that you just said to me will get your jaw broken in many pieces. That's a promise. Hide behind your computer you freak. But just jump up and repeat what you said to me and then identify yourself. I will bust your jaw. And anyone else with a stupid smart A-ss attitude like that.

milesfromkansas wrote:

Consider it a 165th trimester abortion. Good riddance.

In some ways, I can sympathize - I'd certainly be dancing a jig if Dick Cheney dropped dead of a heart attack, so I can't really fault them for being honest about their feelings. I'm more critical of the Operation Rescue/Kansans For Life statements of phony "regret" for something everybody knows damn well was one of their fondest wishes - getting rid of George Tiller. The only thing they regret is how bad the way it happened makes their movement look.

Hi, I'm Chuck Graner. Remember me?

2009-05-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here in fucking Leavenworth, serving my ten-year sentence and watching all this "torture debate" horseshit on the TV, and I have a question:

Where the FUCK were all you people when MY trial was going on?

By this point, it should be obvious to anyone with an IQ exceeding room temperature that I was only doing what I was, if not exactly ordered, certainly encouraged to do. So why is it I'm the only one in the slammer?

I'm not saying you should let me out - I guess lots of people feel safer with me locked up, for some reason - but at least send me some fucking company, OK?

Thanks for nothing, you fucking hypocrites.

Chuck

Hilarious

2009-05-18T17:05:00.000-07:00

H/T The Rude Pundit

Cygnet Committee

2009-04-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

David Bowie, 1969

"We had a friend, a talking man
Who spoke of many powers that he had
Not of the best of men, but Ours

We used him
We let him use his powers
We let him fill Our needs
Now We are strong

And the road is coming to its end
Now the damned have no time to make amends
No purse of token fortune stands in Our way
The silent guns of love
will blast the sky
We broke the ruptured structure built of age
Our weapons were the tongues of crying rage

Where money stood
We planted seeds of rebirth
And stabbed the backs of fathers
Sons of dirt

Infiltrated business cesspools
Hating through Our sleeves
Yea, and We slit the Catholic throat
Stoned the poor
on slogans such as

'Wish You Could Hear'
'Love Is All We Need'
'Kick Out The Jams'
'Kick Out Your Mother'
'Cut Up Your Friend'
'Screw Up Your Brother or He'll Get You In the End'

And We Know the Flag of Love is from Above
And We Can Force You to Be Free
And We Can Force You to Believe"

I believe you've got a typo there, Thom.

2009-04-19T06:34:00.000-07:00

Thom Hartmann:

The Real Boston Tea Party was Against the Wal-Mart of the 1770s

CNBC Correspondent Rick Santelli called for a “Chicago Tea Party” on Feb 19th in protesting President Obama’s plan to help homeowners in trouble. Santelli’s call was answered by the right-wing group Freedomworks, which funds campaigns promoting big business interests, and is the opposite of what the real Boston Tea Party was. FreedomWorks was funded in 2004 by Dick Army (former Republican House Majority leader & lobbyist) . . .

Actually, the Dick Army is the group of people who showed up at the various Tea Party events across the country. Thom probably means Dick Armey.

The Joys of Torture

2009-04-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

An open letter to wingnuts everywhere:

You just do not get it, do you? You're not going to be able to BS your way out of this one. Every time you trot out some scumbag to make excuses for this,* it makes decent people (which you guys definitely are not) look at you just a little bit more skeptically and trust you just a little bit less. Before long, no self-respecting human being will want anything to do with you.

* A strong stomach is recommended for reading the comments at the Fox News link.

Jeez, has it been that long?

2009-04-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

Navies ask: What do you do with a captured pirate?

Wal-i-Musi could have been sent to Kenya, but the U.S. decision to prosecute him in New York could be a sign of Washington's determination to bring pirates to justice.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton emphasized that determination Wednesday when she unveiled an anti-piracy strategy that includes trying to seize their assets.

Assets? What assets? Their peglegs, eyepatches, and parrots? I mean, seriously - if they had assets, they wouldn't fucking be pirates, now would they?

I guess it has been a while, but I believe the solution used to involve a rope and a yardarm. Perhaps someone could pass that along to the Navy.

Patriotism, GOP-style

2009-04-16T09:46:00.001-07:00

Wonkette has a great pic from yesterday's Tea Party protests showing a patriotic protester using the American flag as a raincoat.

I'll spare you the traditional "Can you imagine if a Democrat had done this?" because we all pretty know what would have happened if it had been a Democrat.

Now THAT'S a spanking you can believe in

2009-04-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

When your ass is still burning almost five years later, you know you've been spanked but good:

A truly tough call

2009-04-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

On one hand, you have lying scumbag and lowlife piece of shit Karl Rove. On the other, lying scumbag and lowlife piece of shit Joe Biden. Who to believe?

I'll probably go with my instincts and assume they're both lying.

There's some question in my mind as to just whose ass would get kicked here

2009-04-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

I got some deal from Amazon on a one-year subscription to Rolling Stone for a dollar - a price approaching its actual worth.

This month's issue had a pretty good profile on Kris Kristofferson by Ethan Hawke. The opening is a real hoot: about an "nameless" country star being put in his place by former Army officer (and Ranger trainee) Kristofferson. It's hilarious:

Up from the basement came one of country music's brightest stars (who shall remain nameless). At that moment in time, the Star had a monster radio hit about bombing America's enemies back into the Stone Age.

"Happy birthday," the Star said to Willie, breezing by us. As he passed Kristofferson in one long, confident stride, out of the corner of his mouth came "None of that lefty shit out there tonight, Kris."

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Kris growled, stepping forward.

"Oh, no," groaned Willie under his breath. "Don't get Kris all riled up."

"You heard me," the Star said, walking away in the darkness.

"Don't turn your back to me, boy," Kristofferson shouted, not giving a shit that basically the entire music industry seemed to be flanking him.

The Star turned around: "I don't want any problems, Kris — I just want you to tone it down."

"You ever worn your country's uniform?" Kris asked rhetorically.

"What?"

"Don't 'What?' me, boy! You heard the question. You just don't like the answer." He paused just long enough to get a full chest of air. "I asked, 'Have you ever served your country?' The answer is, no, you have not. Have you ever killed another man? Huh? Have you ever taken another man's life and then cashed the check your country gave you for doing it? No, you have not. So shut the fuck up!"

It was pretty much obvious to anyone paying attention that the anonymous star was none other than Toby Keith, who promptly took exception:

But a furious Keith, speaking backstage at the Academy of Country Music Awards, said it wasn't true, and added that Hawke did not name him in the story because he did not want to face him later.

"I don't know Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke wanted to do some kind of superficial Rolling Stone article. And he did everything he could to make his story the greatest story ever in Rolling Stone," Keith said. "And it was a fictitious (expletive) lie. O.K?

"He didn't even call me by my name. ... He called Norah Jones, Ray Charles, everybody else by name. Willie (Nelson), Kris (Kristofferson). Why didn't he call my name? Why didn't he say Toby Keith walked through and said this (expletive)? Right? You know why. You know why. You know as good as anybody why. He didn't want to (expletive) deal with the aftermath."

All I can tell you is if it comes down to a physical confrontation between this guy:

and this guy:

My money's on the latter.

So I'm reading tbogg on the RSS feed

2009-04-05T13:09:00.000-07:00

since I just can't stomach firedoglake, and I'm thinking, "What the fuck is a #TCOT?" Since I'm not, you know, up on all the latest shit the kids are up to these days.

But I wanted to dedicate this one to my comrades on the right - right on, brothers!

Ah, to be 17 again . . . no thanks.

Gotta give 'em credit for balls if nothing else

2009-03-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

Screenshot from Yahoo.Com in the wake of Obama's speech:

Note the references to "fact-checking" and the obvious intent of holding the President's feet to the fire. Now ask yourself this:

Do you remember a single one of the worthless pieces of shit in the mainstream media doing anything even remotely like this to George W. Bush the entire eight years he was in office? Because, you know, I really can't. The useless wads o' fuck sucked his motherfucking dick the entire time and not a single one of them ever dreamed of standing up to the prick let alone "fact-checking" a word he said. And the sumbitch lied his fucking ass off the whole goddamn time, too!

So I have a message for the media figures who suddenly rediscovered their manhood and think being tough on Obama will make up for blowing Bush for eight years - dream on. Remember that old joke about "but suck just ONE cock . . ."? That's you guys. You sucked the cock, which means you'll be cocksuckers until the day you die. The tough act isn't fooling anybody, except maybe yourselves.

Hey, cut Jindal some slack

2009-02-25T16:23:00.000-08:00

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Jindal earns bad reviews in national debut - CNN

In all fairness, the GOP didn't exactly give him a lot to work with. A turd can only take so much buffing.

The Passion of Ted Haggard

2009-01-24T18:13:00.000-08:00

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Roger Ailes points out a great story from Yahoo News on everybody's favorite meth-sniffing preacher, Ted Haggard. Seems about the time it started getting around that Ted had been snorting meth off the ass of a gay prostitute, ANOTHER young man - a church volunteer - came to the church fathers with a sad story of Pastor Ted carrying on with him for quite some time.

To make a long story short, they paid the guy off to go away and keep his mouth shut. Fast forward to today, where some wingnut is attempting to whitewash Pastor Ted's legacy (and undoubtedly blame everything on liberals) with one of those pseudo-documentaries the right love so much. The guy gets wind of it, and it so pisses him off that a fuckwad like Ted is being portrayed as the VICTIM that he runs and tells his story to the media.

The best part is the church can't even take any action against the guy for violating the confidentiality agreement because their position is the payoff was "compassionate assistance" rather than hush money. If they sue the guy for blabbing, it's obvious to all concerned that the payoff was indeed hush money and the church looks even worse.

My favorite part of the story was this:

"I think what caused this young man to be a bit aggravated was Ted being seen as a victim, when he himself had experienced a great deal of hurt," [Haggard's replacement, Pastor Brady] Boyd said. "I seriously doubt this man would have come forward if the documentary had not been made."

A spokeswoman for the documentary, "The Trials of Ted Haggard," declined to comment Friday.

Sure looks to me like a wingnut attempt to whitewash history backfired bigtime. The only thing that could possibly make it any better would be for the "documentary" in question to be a production of either Libertas or Breitbart and Company.

Gotta take your adulation where you can get it

2009-01-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

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Among those who insist Bush did a bang-up job are Vince McMahon and the WWE. This screenshot from their flagship Monday Night Raw program shows the Chimperor being awarded a championship belt. Color commentation Jerry "The King" Lawler referred to Bush as "the Champion of the Troops!" during the broadcast.

For those who are unclear on the concept

2008-12-08T16:19:00.000-08:00

Bush is well aware that he has a little over a month left to enjoy the fruits of victory. He and his fellow low-life thieves are busily stealing anything that's not nailed down. That's the whole purpose of all this "bail-out" horseshit: one last greedfest at the taxpayer's expense before the credit card gets taken away. One final pocket-lining since it may be a while before folks are stupid enough to vote the Republicans back into power.

Or not. At this point, I don't put anything past humanity. It's a wonder we've managed to survive this long.

I don't think I've ever been so happy to be proven wrong

2008-11-05T04:14:00.000-08:00

Hey, I didn't have anything against the guy - I wound up voting for him myself. I just didn't think he had a snowball's chance in hell of winning.

Maybe this country actually HAS changed for the better. I guess stranger things have happened.

McCain's new campaign motto

2008-08-29T19:13:00.001-07:00

Extra! McCain Picks Palin For Veep!

2008-08-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

Ooops! Sorry! Wrong pic . . .

There. That's better. Perfectly natural mistake, I guess.

The other side is the Official Dem Joke Book

2008-08-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

Published in 1976, and irrefutably proving that Republicans haven't changed a bit since then:

A Democrat and a Republican were discussing their strategy.

"I'm forever promoting," said the Democrat. "For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a large tip and say 'Vote Democratic.'"

"My approach is very similar," said the Republican. "Whenever I take a taxi, I don't give the driver any tip at all. And when I leave I say, 'Don't forget to vote Democratic.'"

Come to think of it, I guess the Democrats haven't really changed that much since '76 either - still being played for chumps, albeit willingly these days. Still, the above really says something about the way Republicans play the game: "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."

Anyway, that always makes it nice to see them taken down a peg or two, as in this uproarious tidbit from history:

[George Schultz] was a Cabinet member for years — serving as Nixon's Secretary of Treasury and Secretary of Labor, and Reagan's Secretary of State — but that didn't stop George Shultz from committing a major hotel faux pas late in his career. When he visited Paris's Hôtel de Crillon in his capacity as Secretary of State, he and his staff allegedly robbed the hotel of a significant portion of its luxurious monogrammed towels. The theft only came to light when, after Shultz's visit, then–Vice President George H.W Bush and his staff visited the hotel. As reported in Forbes years later by Christopher Buckley, who was traveling with the VP on that trip, Bush's staffers noticed their rooms conspicuously devoid of bath linens, and were met with icy resistance when they called down to get some. Ultimately, the hotel staff begrudgingly handed over a few towels, but only after some members of the entourage were forced to dry off with toilet paper.

The story's mostly about rock stars trashing hotels and becoming persona non grata in the process, but I thought the Schultz bit was hilarious. The SECRETARY OF STATE stealing towels from a hotel. Fuckers must have packed up a couple of suitcases full from the sound of it. Sheesh.

Well we give them the election

2008-08-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

Farmer Joke

2008-08-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

A man owned a small farm in Alabama.

The Department of Consumer & Employment Protection heard that he was not paying proper wages to his employees and sent an agent down to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $450 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

Heh.

2008-08-23T03:56:00.001-07:00

Wonder what they're gonna do with all those posters?

Rumor has it . . .

2008-08-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

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My sources from ~20 years in the graphic arts/printing industry tell me a local print shop is printing up a large batch of Obama/Bayh posters.

Local boy makes good

2008-08-02T18:24:00.001-07:00

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As Roy Edroso recently observed, ". . . many of the great geniuses of the Internet labor in obscurity." Surely their number includes this guy, who appears to be the first Kansas Citian to make the Best of Craigslist.

Excerpt:

Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life? The bible clearly teaches that only those that have accepted Jesus as their savior will enter heaven (John 14:6, Romans 3:23), and we all know that pets do not have the cognitive ability to do this, so what will happen to your beloved pets? Surely without you there, they would be stuck inside your empty house, starving to death with no one to feed them, let them out to potty, or clean their litter box. This is probably not what you envision for your pets after you are gone. This is where I come in.

I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured.

As they say, go read the whole thing. It's a hoot. Wonder if the guy's made any money yet?

The spirit of Heywood Jablome lives on

2008-07-20T14:43:00.000-07:00

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The Rude Pundit points to a New York Times blog making this claim:

Some prominent bloggers on a panel here at Netroots Nation said today that for a variety of reasons, they have scaled back their use of profanity. Others said they were swearing as much as they ever had.

Digby Parton, who writes on Hullabaloo.com . . .

(emphasis mine)

Uh, no - "Digby" is the pen name of the author of the blog Hullabaloo, located at digbysblog.blogspot.com, not Hullabaloo.com. (Hullabaloo.com appears to be someone's vanity domain)

Nice to see the New York Whore Times is maintaining its reputation for accuracy. If I remember right, Kit Seelye, the author of this piece, was one of their anti-Clinton hotshots back during the old days when impeachment definitely was NOT off the table.

I have to wonder who fed her this bit of bogus news. They didn't see fit to publish my comment pointing out her error.

Fauxgressives

2008-07-20T05:34:00.000-07:00

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Interesting story from the big "Netroots Nation" convention down in Texas this weekend:

Saturday morning, July 19. Sitting here at the Netroots Nation conference in Austin, Texas with several thousand other online activists. Nancy Pelosi, Democratic Party Speaker of the House, the third most powerful politician in the United States, is up on the podium, doing her best to damp down the mounting criticism of the Democratic Party's shameful collaboration in funding the war and aiding and abetting the Bush administration's shredding of the Constitution.

Before Pelosi speaks, an announcement is made from the podium that disruptions will not be tolerated--if any of us express our frustrations too passionately with Pelosi and the sell-out Democratic Party leadership we will be arrested.

Pelosi Tells Netroots Nation She Opposes Impeachment Because She's BiPartisan

So tell me again just what the difference between these people and the Republicans is supposed to be?

Reuters: Bin Laden driver headed for trial at Guantanamo

2008-07-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

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Link

I thought this was a particularly nice Kafka-esque touch:

Hamdan's attorneys had argued that a landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling last month gave Guantanamo prisoners -- about 265 at the moment, many of them held for years without being charged -- fundamental constitutional rights.

But U.S. District Judge James Robertson backed the government's argument that a 2006 law supported by U.S. President George W. Bush allows such challenges only after a trial.

Shorter Bush "Justice" Department:

So they don't have any rights unless we try them, which we're not going to do, so they don't have any rights despite what the Supreme Court said. We got some bought-and-paid-for GOP judge to rule in our favor, so that overrides the highest court in the land.

I swear, the Bush Administration becomes more of an affront to logic, reason, and human decency every single day. But this one takes the cake.

Next up, the trial of Osama's barber. And I understand the CIA is busily waterboarding a confession from a guy who once delivered a pizza to Osama. Anything to distract from the fact that Osama himself is still missing in action, despite it being almost seven fucking years since 9/11. Who does Bush think he's kidding?

Obama addresses his supporters on the left

2008-07-15T17:56:00.000-07:00

Karma catches up with Tony Snow

2008-07-13T04:54:00.000-07:00

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Gotta give the man credit where it's due: when it came to putting lipstick on a pig, there was no one better. If you needed a patina of respectability applied to a steaming pile of complete horseshit, Tony was your go-to guy. He was a liar's liar, who could sell the rubes a bill of goods without even breaking a sweat.

Sure, Fleischer and McClellan could both lie their asses off, but they sweated and twitched while they did it. They knew they were lying and so did most of their audience. But Tony was special. He could spew the ol' bullshit so expertly he'd even have members of the reality-based community questioning themselves.

More than once, I'd hear or read Tony claiming something unlikely and think, "Gee, that's not how I remember it, but Tony seems so certain. Maybe I'm mistaken." Then later on I'd look it up and find out Tony WAS full of shit after all. You really had to admire the guy - he made used car salesmen look like George Washington and the cherry tree or Honest Abe. Salespeople, lawyers, politicians, cops - when it came to lying, they were all amateurs compared to him.

The current White House Spokesliar can't hold a candle to Tony, possibly the greatest liar and con-artist since P.T. Barnum. I suspect we'll not see his like again. Whether or not that's a Martha Stewart-style "GOOD thing" is left as an exercise for the reader.

"What's that? A Democrat might be doing something unethical? We're SOOO on it!"

2008-07-11T16:30:00.000-07:00

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In today's NYWT, the SCLM manages to unglom their lips from the GOP's collective penis long enough to take a shot at Charlie Rangel:

While aggressive evictions are reducing the number of rent-stabilized apartments in New York, Representative Charles B. Rangel is enjoying four of them, including three adjacent units on the 16th floor overlooking Upper Manhattan in a building owned by one of New York’s premier real estate developers.

I particularly liked this part:

Mr. Rangel’s use of the fourth apartment as an office, in addition to his 2,500-square-foot residence, was especially troubling to some advocates, given the city’s chronic shortage of housing for low- and moderate-income residents.

Which was preceded by this little tidbit:

The current market-rate rent for similar apartments in Mr. Rangel’s building would total $7,465 to $8,125 a month, according to the Web site of the owner, the Olnick Organization.

How selfish of Rangel to deprive those low- and moderate-income residents of the opportunity to rent a $7500 a month apartment.

2008 has certainly been an interesting year so far

2008-07-09T16:39:00.000-07:00

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Old Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times.

Much like Lambert, I was utterly amazed to watch self-styled "progressives" so eagerly adopt right-wing framing when it suited their purposes. A lot of people whose opinions I used to respect went completely insane this year. It's been a real eye-opener.

It's hard to see much difference between the Bush dead-enders and the deluded fools still trying to defend Barack Obama after his disgraceful capitulation on the FISA bill. Hillary very pleasantly surprised me with her stand - to tell the truth, I rather expected her to do the same as Obama.

I never particularly liked Bill Clinton, but I eventually couldn't help but feel a grudging sympathy for him over the shitty way he was treated by stupid fucks who weren't fit to fold his laundry. And damned if they didn't do the EXACT SAME THING to his wife. Granted, Hillary's no great prize, but she's not Lizzie Borden either. The Clintons actually did a half-assed decent job for this country, particularly when you compare them to the GOP pieces of shit who came before and after Bill. The fucked up way they've been rewarded for their efforts is an absolute disgrace.

Unlike most people, I have the luxury of being able to throw my vote away this year with a clean conscience. I live in Kansas, which hasn't gone for a Democrat for President since LBJ in 1964. Home of Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps and his halfwitted family. Both of my Senators are not only Republicans, but total right-wing loons: Pat Roberts and Sam Brownback. My Congressman is Blue Dog Dennis Moore. (who I refuse to support again after his MoveOn vote)

Kansas's electoral votes will go to John McCain, guaranteed. My vote - whether for Obama or none-of-the-above - is absolutely worthless. The polls aren't open long enough for me to make any difference even if they'd let me vote as many times as I wanted. There are just too many Republicans here.

So I'm going to write in Hillary Clinton.

There's a couple of reasons: first, my mother. A lifelong Republican, she fell away from the Dark Side in her final years of life, wanting nothing more than to live long enough to be able to vote for Hillary Clinton for President. When Hillary decided to run, I decided to vote for her more as a memorial to my mom than any real faith in Hillary as anything but a self-serving pol, like all of them.

The second reason is because I can't think of a better way to spit right in the Democrats' lying, conniving, cowardly faces than "throwing away" my vote on the candidate they rejected.

Now, if you live someplace where your vote actually matters, I can't in good conscience advise you to follow my example. Not because I really give a shit who you vote for, but because you're likely to hate yourself when/if that fucking lunatic McCain wins, and being a bleeding heart sort of liberal, I'd like to spare you that.

But if you live someplace where your vote doesn't mean shit and you're as pissed off at the gutless and corrupt Democrats as I am, please consider writing in Hillary Clinton. It just might send a message to the party they won't be able to ignore. I thank you, and my mom would thank you if she hadn't passed on in 2004.

Any fauxgressives trying to spin Hillary's no vote on FISA as an attempt to make Obama look bad yet? If not, give 'em time. Interesting times indeed.

Hailstorm

2008-07-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

For close to five minutes this evening, we got golfball to almost tennis ball size hail, pounding on the roof and walls and scaring the shit out of our cats. (one has yet to come out of hiding)

Back home again

2008-06-28T04:51:00.000-07:00

Hiatus is over, although you probably won't be able to tell by the (in)frequency of posting around here.

Hiatus

2008-05-18T04:29:00.001-07:00

I'm spending most of my time at Mark of the Beast these days, in case anybody's wondering. You're a lot more likely to find new content there than here.

A cover that complies with the Truth in Labeling Act

2008-01-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

Ice storm

2007-12-11T16:10:00.001-08:00

It wasn't too bad as ice storms go - I've certainly seen worse. A few years back, we had ice the thickness of a broomstick on car antennas, so I guess we should count ourselves lucky.

There was a shell of ice on the car windows this morning, but it broke off pretty easily since the temperature was just above freezing. (33-34 degrees) The rain kept up all day, though, and was predicted to turn to ice as it dropped below freezing in the late afternoon. My office closed early, and I was able to make it home before the streets turned treacherous.

And people wonder why I despise flying

2007-08-31T16:25:00.001-07:00

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So Momma's been up in Minnesota the last couple of weeks working disaster relief after the floods. She's flying home tomorrow, albeit by a rather roundabout route.

When they sent her up, she flew from KC to Chicago, then Chicago to Minneapolis. KC to Minneapolis is 435 miles, give or take. KC to Chicago is almost exactly 500 miles. And Chicago to Minneapolis is a little over 400. So they sent her almost 500 miles east so she could get on another plane, fly 400 miles west, and wind up 400-odd miles from where she started.

But it gets better.

Coming home tomorrow, she's going to leave Minneapolis and fly the 435 miles to KC. But she's not going to stop in KC - she's going to continue on south another 550 miles to Dallas, where she will catch a plane to fly back north 550 miles to KC. Look at the map - the most direct route from Minneapolis to Dallas involves flying right over KC.

The explanation for this lunacy is that while there are indeed flights from KC to Minneapolis, (flights I seem to recall being on sale for $39 some years back) these flights are now prohibitively expensive, forcing the would-be passenger to either cough up big bucks for a ticket or waste most of a day shuttling back and forth across the country.

I didn't exactly endear myself to her when I pointed out she could have driven to Minneapolis in the same amount of time (or less) it took her to fly, particularly on the way up where she experienced the traditional O'Hare delays. What exactly is the advantage to flying anymore, since it seems it's no longer faster (or cheaper, despite the price of gas) than driving?

The only way you can get me on a plane these days is to pay me. I'd much rather drive, particularly someplace relatively close like that.

Microsoft's problem in a nutshell

2007-08-28T13:17:00.000-07:00

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When you need a special webpage to show customers how to open the goddamn box your product comes in, you're missing the point of the whole "user friendly" idea.

You know, I really love cool new technology stuff

2007-08-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

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But I really hate needless complexity that serves absolutely no purpose. Which brings me to this little goodie, the Logitech MX 3200 Laser wireless keyboard and mouse.

Purty, ain't it? See that little window at the top center? That's a LCD panel. With a clock/calendar. A clock/calendar which has to be SET MANUALLY WITH THE KEYBOARD! It does not pull the time from the system - you have to key it in, same with the date.

Which means if the battery dies, the clock has to be reset. Manually. It's not like it's any big deal, but it's one more goddamn thing you have to remember how to do. And for what? So you can look at the time on your fucking keyboard? THERE'S A GODDAMN CLOCK IN THE CORNER OF YOUR SCREEN - what the FUCK is wrong with THAT clock? You're not supposed to be looking at the keyboard anyway - you're supposed to be looking at the screen. That's why they call it TOUCH typing.

And keep in mind that this is a KEYBOARD. It's in constant communication with the system. So why can't it grab the time and date while it's communicating?

Rudy's certainly stupid enough to be President

2007-08-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

"How is it that we have the best higher education in the world and a weaker K-through-12 system?" Giuliani said. "What's the difference? Why does one operate so well and the other not nearly as well?"

Gee, I dunno, Rudy. Ya think maybe the fact that higher education gets the same kind of government subsidies as public K-through-12 schools AND are allowed to charge students for attending might have something to do with it?

So you're some bored DiscoverCard accounting drone...

2007-08-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

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My good friend Anntichrist S. Coulter has temporarily fallen on hard times. If you have any extra, she could surely put it to use. Your charity will be rewarded with this:

This Payment will appear on your credit card statement as "ANNTICHRIST"

Aw, jeez - not again!

2007-08-08T19:22:00.000-07:00

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Has anyone else noticed how every time Steve Jobs farts, some idiot writes a column about the Macintosh taking over the computer world?

Apple's Mac Set to Soar

The stars have aligned for Apple's share of the computer market to explode.

Don't get me wrong - the Mac is a fine machine. It ought to be for what you pay for it.

I'm posting this from a Compaq I bought online at BestBuy - discontinued model on closeout for $199 brand new. Tax and shipping brought it to a little over $245. A $25 stick of RAM and a $25 video card from Amazon, along with a used 21" CRT monitor for $30 off Craig's List, and I've got a pretty sweet little system (gig of RAM, 160 gig HD, dual layer DVD burner) for $325.

Know what Steve Jobs will sell you for $325? An iPod.

Bush pardons Libby - what a shock!

2007-07-02T17:00:00.001-07:00

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I mean, c'mon - you're not surprised at this, are you? You had to know it was going to happen. Republicans are a pack of lowlife scumbags - there's not an honest or decent person in the lot of them. What did you think was going to happen?

Hopefully this will open a few eyes on the left. There's only one way to deal with these criminals - squash them like the filthy little cockroaches they are. Until you grasp that fact, the present situation will continue.

Who makes this shit up anyway?

2007-06-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

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Hmmm. Maybe it wasn't the new layout after all.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

shit (5x) fuck (4x) crap (3x) gay (2x) death (1x)

"Gay" appears to be the kiss of death. Or maybe it's "death" - who knows?

Now THAT'S more like it!

2007-06-24T05:52:00.000-07:00

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Guess they didn't like the new layout.

Well, SHHHHEEEEEEEEEEE-IT.

2007-06-24T03:50:00.000-07:00

Do you believe this horseshit? Annti gets a NC-17. S.Z. and Scott get a NC-17, and for fucking GAY, of all things. What do _I_ get? An R.

Best of all, check this out:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

* shit (3x)
* fuck (2x)
* ass (1x)

So "shit" "fuck" and "ass" are only worth an R rating, but "gay" is NC-17. Am I the only one who sees something a bit off here?

Does this bozo look like Presidential material to YOU?

2007-06-05T13:59:00.001-07:00

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Oops, sorry! Wrong picture. Try this one instead:

Perfectly natural mistake.

So, uh, just how fucked up and illegal must your plan be?

2007-05-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

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If John Ashcroft is ready to resign over it?

We Kansans really love Utah

2007-04-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

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They, along with shitholes like Mississippi, Arkansas and Texas, help take the heat off us when our dumbass politicians pull idiotic stunts like trying to teach creationism in the public schools.

Today's offering from Mormonland:

Utah County District 65 Chairman Don Larsen has submitted a formal resolution to oppose the devil’s plan to destroy the country -- to be discussed this weekend at the Utah County Republican Convention.

“In order for Satan to establish his ‘New World Order’ and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S.,” Larsen’s resolution states. “[It is] insidious for its stealth and innocuousness.”

Larsen’s proposal to defeat Satan? Close the borders to illegal immigrants to “prevent the destruction of the U.S. by stealth invasion.”

Utah Republican Blames 'The Devil' For Immigration

The Eternal Cloud-cover of the Republican Mind

2007-04-26T11:48:00.000-07:00

Bush, confident of enough votes to sustain his veto, was unambiguous in his response. 'I will strongly reject an artificial timetable (for) withdrawal and/or Washington politicians trying to tell those who wear the uniform how to do their job,' he told reporters in the Oval Office as he met with his top Iraq commander, Gen. David Petraeus.

Democrats Challenge Bush on Iraq Bill (AP)

What the fuck does Bush think he is, chopped liver?

If I were running the government . . .

2007-04-20T06:11:00.000-07:00

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A government official or employee who took the Fifth in an investigation of government corruption would be permanently disqualified from holding ANY government position in the future.

If you have extraordinary power and authority, there should be extra restrictions on your behavior. The need for such restrictions should be obvious to anyone who's been paying attention the past few decades.

Statement from a Registerfly customer

2007-04-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

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I think one of the most poignant cries in the wake of the Registerfly implosion outlined below, was the following from a single mom with two kids, posted in response to an official statement from Registerfly:

This is crap....you must excuse me but I have lost everything. I am a single mom of two. My husband left me with nothing five years ago, instead of giving up which I felt like doing I started my own company and have been sucessful for five years, supported my children FOR Five YEARS ON MY OWN. Registerfly has single handedly destroyed my business. Today I lost my last large client. They all walked due to what they say Is MY fault. I can not renew, transfer or host thier domains. These are million dollar companies that are well known and now the names have expired. I am now being sued by them. Well goodbye house, goodbye car, goodbye life! Thank RegisterFly. You say that the customers are now working for us but as of today the only answer I get is "Our systems are down" then they laugh at me when I break down and cry. I no longer care. SO I hope they continue to enjoy thier mansions and cars and HOOKERS! Because all they did was find a fall guy, it is all crap. People are loosing thier business and thier words mean NOTHING.....more BS more BS more BS.

No kidding.

Registerfly and the Myth of Commercial Competence

2007-04-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

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Ya know how Republicans/conservatives just LOOOOOVE to bitch about the inefficiencies of government, and how the hallowed "private sector" (a.k.a. big business) can always do it better cheaper? You DO know they're full of shit, right?

When Bill Gates registered the microsoft.com domain name, it didn't cost him anything. Back in the days when the 'net was a service more or less provided by the military/government, domain names didn't cost a penny - all you had to do was request a name and it was yours. Defense Data Network Network Information Center (DDN-NIC) handed them out to anyone crazy enough to want one. (it was extremely expensive to have a domain at that point in time) Needless to say, the freebies didn't last. By the time the general public began flooding onto the 'net in the early to mid 1990s, the days of free domain names were long gone.

Then came ICANN.

The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers was created in the boom days of the late 90s to replace the work previously done by Jon Postel, one of the founding fathers of the modern Internet, at IANA. A bastard offspring of the Clinton Administration (which never met a sell-out to corporate interests it didn't like) and the Republican Congress spawned by Newt Gingrich's Contract with America, ICANN presided over one of the greatest sellouts of the public interest since the licensing of broadcast airwaves.

Prior to ICANN, only one company - Network Solutions - sold domain name registrations in the USA. ICANN opened up the field to every two-bit hustler with a few bucks to spare.

Pretty much anyone who could scrape up the bucks could become a registrar - I was offered the opportunity more than once, and it wasn't like you had to be Warren Buffett to afford it. The "list price" of a domain name at Network Solutions was seventy dollars for two years, down from the original hundred when they first started charging. (imagine the furor that must have caused - for something to go from free to a hundred dollars overnight) "Bargain" registrars took that as low as $6.95 a year for .com, .net, and .org domains and as low as SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS a year recently for slow-sellers like .info names.

Registerfly is a bargain registrar, until recently accredited by ICANN to sell domain name registrations. Registerfly's thousands of customers are currently in a bit of a pickle because of internal issues at the Registerfly company. (two owners are apparently locked in a fight to the death for control of the company) So ICANN has yanked Registerfly's accreditation, Registerfly is (naturally) contesting this action, and in the meantime, Registerfly's customers are fucked. (full disclosure - I'm one of Registerfly's fucked customers)

So far, I've only been able to rescue one of my eight domains from the sinking suckhole of Registerfly. Two of the others have mysteriously "expired" (despite the renewal charges showing up on my credit card) while Registerfly refuses to answer either e-mails or support tickets. If you look them up in whois, it now shows Registerfly as the "owner" of the domains. To top it all off, in the course of researching this mess online, I've also discovered that Registerfly has the nasty habit of punishing disgruntled customers who initiate credit card chargebacks by confiscating ALL the customer's domain names and charging exhorbitant fees for their return.

I think that's what's really the most galling about this: these crooked motherfuckers are flat-out ripping people off and our noble protectors in government aren't doing shit about it. In fact, they're the ones who sold the whole operation to incompetent crooks like Registerfly in the first place. Goddamn cocksuckers are right there when it's time to bust some kid with a doobie, but they're nowhere to be found when well-connected thieves abscond with millions.

Even if I don't get any of my other domains back, I'm still better off than a lot of people. There are people losing their businesses - their livelihoods - over this shit. People are going to lose their homes and possessions. Where the fuck is THEIR protection?

The only thing big business can do better than the government is line its own pockets. Efficiency my ass. Who needs a more efficient mugging?

Is this a great time to be alive or what?

2007-04-12T18:20:00.000-07:00

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I just love watching Bush finally getting what's coming to him as his corrupt misadministration comes crashing down. How sweet it is.

Free advice to the Dems: when you've got your bootheel on the rattlesnake's neck, letting up isn't a good idea.

Bush: "Wah! Wah! WAAAH!"

2007-04-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

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How sweet it is. A Presidential temper tantrum, right out there in public where we can all enjoy it. Well, except for the idiots who voted for him.

Like to read Salon, but hate sitting through the ad for access?

2007-03-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

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Try this: copy and paste the link below into your browser's address field. You'll be taken to Salon's main page with an active Site Pass without having to sit through the ad.

http://www.salon.com/news/cookie756.html

The "Hack" of John McCain's MySpace

2007-03-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

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It seems many of the smarter wingnuts were too wary to bite on the supposed "hack" of John McCain's MySpace page, since there don't appear to be many outraged posts on the subject. A few from the lower-hanging fruit, but that's about it.

What happened? Apparently McCain's web people set up his page using a free template created by one Mike Davidson. Davidson made the template freely available for download with two conditions: first, that he be given credit for the design on pages that used the template, and second, that the template's copyrighted images NOT be used.

So McCain's people not only gave him zero credit, but actually linked to the images on his server. It was costing Davidson every time someone visited John McCain's MySpace page.

As you might imagine, this didn't go over well with Davidson. Instead of getting mad, he replaced one of the images on his server with this:

The text reads "Dear Supporters, Today I announce that I have reversed my position and come out in full support of gay marriage . . . particularly marriage between passionate females." It's signed "John" although not in McCain's handwriting.

From the sound of things, it was up on McCain's page for at least a few hours - long enough to hit Wonkette and the Huffington Post** although the mainstream media seems to be treating it like they do most things that make Republicans look bad, i.e. ignoring it.

Davidson has apparently pulled the page where he talks about this, probably hoping to avoid being Slash-dotted. All the attention must be driving his hosting bills through the roof.

As for McCain, the design of his MySpace page has gone through a few changes today, winding up like this. I'd have to say Davidson got the last laugh, though. Sweet. Bet there are some sore, well-chewed asses in the McCain campaign tonight.

**(sorry, no link - their fucked-up search engine wouldn't work)

UPDATE: Check out the Slash-dot link above to enjoy all the self-styled libertarians essentially arguing that Davidson deserves to be punished because he embarassed a famous and powerful man. The fact that the famous and powerful man was ripping him off doesn't appear to figure into their reasoning.

Why dogs are man's best friend

2007-03-21T17:48:00.001-07:00

They're not very bright.

It's like Nixon all over again.

2007-03-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

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I can't wait to watch that corrupt piece of shit go down. With a little luck, I'll live to see W hang for warcrimes at the Hague.

Shorter USA Today

2007-03-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

NEWSFLASH!!! - Al Gore is a Big Phony!

And the people who work for USA Today aren't?

For the ultimate in butt-kissing hypocrisy, it takes a journalist. Any day now I expect to read some screed about how Al breathes out carbon dioxide. ("A major contributor to global warming!")

Bullshit Vaporware of the Year Award

2007-02-10T10:05:00.000-08:00

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Presented to Toshiba's Gigabeat, Vongo, and Microsoft.

I had a Toshiba Gigabeat V30 on my Amazon wishlist, and my wife was sweet enough to indulge me for my birthday. It's a cool little media player that came with free month of Vongo, the new movie download service. Both the player and Vongo use Microsoft's Portable Media Center format, which apparently still has a few bugs to be worked out.

I was initially somewhat annoyed to discover the only way to get content into the Gigabeat (other than Vongo, which I'll get to in a minute) was using the Sync function in Microsoft's Windows Media Player. I despise Media Player, and use almost anything else to avoid it. But it worked well enough once I got the hang of it.

The real problems started when I installed the Vongo software.

It was easy to install and appeared to be working properly until I tried to register my player. No player connected. Huh? Hmmm. It SAYS "Connected" on the little screen, and I know the system saw it. (I was asked if I wanted to run Vongo when I plugged it in) But no, it insists there's no player connected.

Turns out this is a known issue, and was mentioned in a review of the V30 in Laptop Magazine last year. They spent all day on the phone with Vongo's tech support and couldn't get it working - some kind of conflict with the latest version of Windows Media Player. Wonderful. Just how I didn't want to spend my birthday - helping some company trouble-shoot their buggy product for free.

The other two supposed sources of PMC-formatted videos are Movielink and CinemaNow. Both of these appear to have plenty of titles in regular Windows Media Player format you can watch on your computer, but no PMC titles. (Movielink said they had one title in PMC format - CinemaNow says they hope to have PMC titles back up sometime this spring) There's apparently more support for old Sony Beta videocassettes and 8-track tapes than there is for the PMC format.

So thanks to the three stooges - Microsoft, Toshiba/Gigabeat, and Vongo - I have this super-cool little movie player with no way to get little movies onto it. What a rip.

Epiphone - musical instruments for right-wingers

2007-02-02T08:57:00.000-08:00

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While browsing Epiphone's website looking at guitars, I discovered their free Guitar Willie Screen Mate download. It's a little desktop cartoon character that plays riffs in the style of several well-known musicians including Jeff "Skunk" Baxter and former Jefferson Airplane bassist Jack Casady.

When I checked out the configuration options, I discovered that a "Musician who you don't like" field was already populated with the name "Bill Clinton." (the "Musician you like/respect" field read "John Lee Hooker" - I have no problem with that one) Here's a screenshot:

Anyway, I don't mind telling you that this really pisses me off. Is there some point to making political statements in your advertising that insult your customers and potentially cause them to stop doing business with you? (the Epiphone mandolin I currently own is the last Epiphone product I'll ever buy) You spend millions of dollars on advertising to attract customers, then drive them away because you can't keep your fucking mouth shut about things that have nothing to do with your product? What's up with that?

If this pisses you off as much as it does me, send Gibson (Epiphone's parent company) an e-mail and let them know about it. Their e-mail address is service@gibson.com - as usual, if enough people complain, they'll do something about this.

Well, I'll be dipped in shit.

2007-01-21T04:57:00.000-08:00

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I got my fucking $80 from Office Depot. Will wonders never cease?

Of course there's no explanation of why it took over six months to get my rebate, but I guess I should count my blessings. And cash the check before it expires.

Office Depot's response

2007-01-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

Thank you for contacting Office Depot regarding your rebate. Your item has not yet shipped. We apologize for the delay, but we do ask that you allow more time for processing. You can check the status of your request at any time from this site. You may also contact us by phone at 1-866-541-0284 if you have any further questions.
Thank you again for visiting Office Depots Rebate Center and have a great day!

Fuckers. Anybody want to bet I never see my $80 or hear another word from these fuckwads?

Looks like the A-List server is down

2007-01-09T08:19:00.000-08:00

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It would appear that the server where the paid blogs are hosted is having problems this morning. Attempts to visit Tbogg, Atrios, Digby, or other popular blogs get a "HTTP 500 Internal Server Error" while us smallfry appear to be working fine.

The part I liked best was the "Click here for status info" link that led to this:

Another "No shit?" message informing you of the obvious.

Office Depot = Ripoffs

2007-01-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

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It used to be BestBuy that always advertised "too good to be true" prices made possible by mail-in rebates, but I guess people finally wised up about them and stopped buying. BB did away with the mail-in rebate scam, and currently make their money with the old stand-bys, bait-and-switch and worthless "service contracts." These days it seems to be Office Depot who's the king of unfulfilled rebate promises, at least in my experience.

Back at the beginning of July, I bought a 160 gb external USB hard drive from my local OD. It was fairly pricey at $139, but featured an $80 mail-in rebate that got it down to $59. (plus ten bucks or so tax on the before-rebate price) I promptly sent off the rebate form with the requested copy of the sales slip and UPC code. They let you track your rebate online, and sure enough, within a few weeks, my rebate showed up on the website.

And sat there. And sat there. And sat there, showing the status as "required validation period" whatever the fuck that means. (it's the stage after "verification" and before "issuing a check") Now, this had been sent in about the tenth of July, so along about October, I got tired of waiting for the "required validation period" to run its course and filled out an online WTF form. No response, and yes, I was indeed polite when I filled out the form. (sure, I was thinking "fucking morons!" but I don't think they heard me)

Got to be December and still no check, so this time I filled out the form and called the customer service number. The ESLAN person I spoke with told me I'd have my check in "four to six weeks" which, unfortunately, was what I'd been told back in July. But I got an e-mail response to the form assuring me my check would be mailed in three weeks, so I let it go.

So now it's motherfucking JANUARY and these thieving lowlife sons-of-bitches STILL haven't coughed up my goddamn $80. I don't even want to think about what would happen to ME if I ripped them off for $80, but it's perfectly okay for them to fuck me. Anyway, I went to the online form again and was NOT polite this time, as in, "Where the FUCK is my check, you goddamn thieves?" I'll let you know what - if anything - they have to say in response.

In the meantime, I'd suggest taking any company's promises of rebates with a grain of salt, no matter who's making them. Mail-in rebates are just another scam to fuck the consumer, and in today's GOP-driven business world, companies can and will simply screw you and walk away laughing. They make their money the new-fashioned way - by fucking people over with the help of their crooked pals in public office.

Democrats show signs of having testicles

2007-01-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

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Democrats To Start Without GOP Input

But instead of allowing Republicans to fully participate in deliberations,
as promised after the Democratic victory in the Nov. 7 midterm elections, Democrats now say they will use House rules to prevent the opposition from offering alternative measures, assuring speedy passage of the bills and allowing their party to trumpet early victories.

And this is a problem in exactly what way? Isn't this what we voted for last November?

I think it's great, and about time. The fact that beltway whores are whining about incivility and broken promises is just icing on the cake.

Wilson Nails - a seasonal anecdote

2006-12-31T10:56:00.000-08:00

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The founder of an international nail company wants a new ad campaign, so he hires an ad agency to come up with a good tv commercial for his Wilson Nails. Tens of thousands of dollars later, the ad agency has a meeting with the director to premiere their commercial.

The ad begins with a flying shot that zooms over a mountain (to stirring music, of course!) and begins closing in on three figures on the hillside. It zooms closer and closer and the viewers can now tell two of the men are dressed as guards and are nailing the third to a cross. The camera continues to zoom in - right up to the Wilson symbol on the head of the nail protruding from the crucified man's hand. "Wilson nails - for the toughest jobs." says the announcer.

Well, the head of Wilson Nails is livid. He cannot believe the ad agency was so flippant with the religious angle. He demands that they reshoot the commercial for free - and they better come up with something good this time or they're fired.

After another few weeks, the ad agency has just completed reshooting the commercial and the head of Wilson wants it aired right away - he has no time to preview it this time, trusting them to have fixed the problem.

He is at home that night when the commercial airs. As before, the camera flies over the mountain and begins closing in on two figures this time. It gets closer and closer, until the viewers see the two guards standing beside a lone cross. In the distance, a man with a sheet around his waist can be seen running down the mountain. One guard turns to the other and says, "See, I told you we should have used Wilson Nails."

The only Saddam cartoon that made me laugh

2006-12-31T10:43:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of the Unapologetic Mexican, a new favorite whose sharp wit and artistic creativity will be joining my revamped blogroll as soon as I get time to revamp it. Gracias.

It's yours if you want it.

2006-12-30T08:21:00.001-08:00

Happy holidays.

NO Boundaries

2006-12-30T08:19:00.001-08:00

Very cool video. Expect good things in the future from the person who created this.

Bush fucks up bigtime

2006-12-30T05:24:00.000-08:00

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Bush: Execution will not halt violence

Accidentally tells the truth for the first time in the history of his administration.

HA! Blogger can kiss my ass.

2006-12-29T17:53:00.000-08:00

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They can stick their goddamn toolbar where the sun don't shine. Assholes.

Like my new logo? Did it myself, with the help of this.

Fuckity Fucking Fuck Fuck.

2006-12-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

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Fucking ASSHOLE Blogger and their goddamn upgrades. Not only did switching from the old template to the new layouts wipe out every bit of customization I did (like my blogroll, bio, and picture) but now it fucking refuses to allow me to add the links in my blogroll back by copy-and-pasting them. It insists I use their dumbass interface to add them one at a time, manually.

Fuck that. It's a goddamn unordered list, about as basic HTML as you can get. What the fuck is Blogger's problem? If I try to add the list as a block of HTML using their stupid layout designer, it just says "Saving . . ." forever, but never actually saves.

It's a damn good thing Blogger doesn't charge anything, or I'd sure as hell be cancelling my service over this bullshit. Whoever dreamed up this idiotic idea needs to lose their job.

Fucking Blogger

2006-12-23T12:53:00.000-08:00

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Their "upgrade" fucked up my template to where their stupid toolbar covers the header. Assholes. And if I upgrade the template, I lose all my customizations. Fuck.

Can't remember where it was I left a comment earlier this week about "no such thing as a quick, easy, painless upgrade."

Santa Claus - Steady Mobbin'

2006-12-21T04:50:00.000-08:00


One of the funnier Christmas videos this year.

The best meal I've ever had in my life.

2006-12-20T19:01:00.000-08:00

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So I asked Julie where she wanted to go for her birthday dinner this year. She said "I want to give Pangea a hundred bucks and tell them to make us dinner."

Pangea is our new favorite KC restaurant - Charles Ferruzza at the Pitch reviewed them, we went to check them out, and were immediately hooked. It's basically California cuisine at KC prices. If you're in the vicinity, you should definitely check them out.

Anyway, they asked Julie what she wanted, and she told them "surprise me - I trust you." She said she's always wanted to do that - give a good chef some money and say "make me dinner" so this was her chance to make her dream come true.

Here's the menu they came up with for us:

It was absolutely exquisite - easily the best meal I've ever had, and worth every penny of the hundred bucks we spent on it. Particularly since wine was included.

The amuse bouche and the first course were served with a Spanish wine called Vin Del Sol. It was quite dry, almost like a Chenin Blanc. The second and third courses were served with a slightly sweeter white wine - can't recall the name, nor that of the red served with the fourth course and dessert. They were all good, though, and perfectly complemented the foods with which they were served. (can you tell I'm still feeling the effects of having so much wine with my dinner?)

Pangea does a monthly beer-pairing dinner the first Monday of each month. (they're taking a vacation in January, so the next one's February 5th) Thirty bucks gets you four courses, each with a small glass of beer. Previous courses have included langostino tacos, wiener-schnitzel, and rack of lamb. The quality of the food is unparallelled, and the presentations have to be seen to be believed. It's the kind of meal for which Alice Waters would charge you over a hundred dollars per person at Chez Panisse. Don't miss it.

Now I've seen everything.

2006-12-02T05:30:00.000-08:00

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The alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.complete_cd newsgroup has a Billy Idol Christmas album posted.

C'mon, it's a . . . nice day for a . . . White Christmas.

Bill O'Reilly will not be pleased.

2006-11-18T11:24:00.000-08:00

Best. YouTube. EVAH!
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This is hilarious, especially the reactions of the horrified onlookers.

A brand new Playstation 3 is purchased, and smashed in front of dozens of fanboys with a sledgehammer at Young and Dundas in Toronto.
Check out http://www.smashmyps3.com for more info!

Well, Pahrump!

2006-11-18T03:03:00.000-08:00

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The good citizens of Pahrump, Nevada, armpit of a state widely considered America's asshole, make themselves even more of a laughingstock than usual.

The town council of Pahrump, which lies in the Mojave Desert west of Las Vegas, voted 3-2 on Tuesday to make flying any foreign flag above the U.S. flag or alone an offense punishable by a $50 (26 pounds) fine and 30 hours' community service. Yahoo News 11/16

Flying the flag of actual traitors who took up arms against the United States is presumably still okay. Funny how these über-patriots never seem to have any problem with that one, huh?